Journal Entry 7.10.84


Well this is a strange month indeed. Sarita found out and hated me. Don, Rosie and Ben hated me also. Sarita and I are friends again and Rosie isn’t going to say anything. Don doesn’t hate me and Ben’s still real hurt.

He called Sarita today and she said to him that she thought he still loved me. Sarita’s mom and Ben’s mom both know. Sarita and I are going to try to forget it all and just go on. She might get back together with Don. I hope so.

I hope Ben and I become friends because I love him and miss him a lot. Sarita has forgiven me and we were laughing over at Don’s. Alan has been a great friend. He never abandoned me but I don’t like him at all like I like Ben.

Brandan was the last person in the world to hurt. He’ll never trust me or take me back. I did his route today. He is supposed to be going to Portland but I doubt he will ’cause he has a job downtown break-dancing and his name is Domino. He seems to be getting along fine without me so maybe I’ll lose him after all. I hope not.

Every one of Brandan’s friends thinks I am a slut or whore. I’m sorry and that’s all I can say. I love him and Sandy but he doesn’t believe. I am going to fix everything up. I love him too much to lose him. I’ll prove to him that he can trust me and that I love him. I’ll prove to Sandy that I can still be a best friend. I hate myself for this. I have got to go talk to Sandy and her mom.

Brandan brought over all of the notes I ever gave him and dumped them on my bed while I was gone. I took them, my journal and all of my feelings and stuffed them in my drawer.


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