Today is Melissa’s birthday.
Things are going great with Ron and I. Yesterday he came over for dinner and I’ll talk to you later.
After dinner we walked over to the high school, we raced some and I would come up behind him and grab around his waist and he would put his arm around me. We would walk holding hands and I was really happy. We got his books from the school and started home. We took turns carrying his duffle bag and we walked the long way home. When we got to just about here, he started asking about what Josh told me. I wouldn’t tell him and finally he asked if he could read it out of my journal. I said okay as long as he promised not to get mad at Josh. While he was reading, I realized there was a part that I didn’t want him to read because then he would know my plan to be hyper and friendly. Eventually I think he found out. After he got home, which was soon because I didn’t keep him here, I called him and he said I was great. I asked him if he still loved me, he said of course and probably more now. I love him so much. We are getting along great now and its working. I can’t believe it. We are going out Sunday by ourselves to the movies.
Well I was right about Ron being upset about his brother and he was mad at me for about 2 days except that he said I was special and that every time he saw me, he was no longer mad. I asked him to come over so I could talk to him and when he did show up, he wouldn’t say two words to me. So after he left, I called Josh and talked to him. He told me all kinds of interesting stuff. He said that Ron always talked about me, asking Josh if he thought I was good looking and also he said that Ron didn’t care about Nora, he just wanted a good reputation. Later Ron called me and was watching movies. Then I called Josh again and he told me to hang in there and just give Ron a chance. I told him that if Ron wasn’t careful, he was going to lose me.
Later still I called Ron again, acting normal and not bringing up anything. Then I had to go pick up Jack and then I called again and told him that I was sorry if I was pushing him and it was only because I care and that I love him very much and that I am here if he ever wanted to talk.
So things go back to normal and last night I found that Ron uses telepathy with me all of the time. In the halls he tells me that he loves me almost every time he passes. He is romantic also. I told Grace to shut-up today because every time she walks by she laughs. I think I am going to try a different aspect of friendship with Ron. I’m going to be real active, no more laying around, that way if Ron wants something, he can come to me. I am not going to keep him anymore either. That way people will see us more as boyfriend and girlfriend than as slut with Nora’s boyfriend.
He’s not here today. I don’t know where he went to. Cara is back and Sarita said that Ron could spend the night when her mother was gone.
I love him more than anything and I’m going to show him ’cause he isn’t so sure how much he believes me.
I think I figured out why Ron has been so quiet and thinking. Rick is leaving, is going to Oakland, I think. Ron’s not here today ’cause it’s Rick’s last day. I feel bad now. What I should have done was show understanding to Ron. Have to go, will write more later.
Something’s up and my brain hurts. I’ll never figure out Ron F. I hate Grace. I’ll write more later.
Well tonight was the first night of my tutoring. It didn’t go so well because Ron has a lot on his mind and he wasn’t in a learning mood. My dad is being a royal dick and so I’m going to just stay away. I’m not going to make Ron stay here anymore ’cause it is just causing problems. I feel like fighting sort of. I have a lot of things that I am angry about but I am just not going to say. I have a feeling I am going to end up crying tonight for some reason. I need to talk to Sarita. I have to learn not to get my hopes up so high. It seems like Ron is avoiding me and he always is just cruising. Everytime we plan to do something it’s like his idea of doing something is seeing me for 15 minutes. I feel like it is a hassle for him to come over and stay awhile. I have to go.
Well Ron left about an hour a 1/2 ago and things are messed up. I have been keeping my feelings of problems to myself so as not to argue and I can’t do it very well. I’m the kind of person that needs to tell what’s wrong but I’m afraid to argue or even state my problems ’cause I don’t want us to just be friends. I love him so much and I never want to lose him. Tonight it seemed as if Ron built a wall around himself.
1. No more calling for a while.
2. No more coming over.
3. He has to call and ask.
4. Be nice and say hi!
5. We’ll find out just how much I mean and if I’m important.
6. If he does come over, don’t make him stay.
Tonight he said he loved me and I just said yeah! Then I went in the house. I love him so much I wish I could show him. I hope he can come over when Sarita’s mom is gone.
I want to spend the night with him before he leaves for California. I am not going to school on the day that he isn’t there for California.
Yesterday Ron got hurt on his bike and came over around 11am to get fixed up. After Aunt Lisa did his bandages we went to his house and I stayed all day until 10pm. I had dinner there and we slept in each other’s arms a lot. I told him that I like to be held and he said he liked holding me. He said that he doesn’t ever get sick of me. So he is going to call (I think today) and then he is going to come over. He said that he is glad that we have been getting together a lot lately. Today might be the last day I see him because tomorrow he has to got to go back to baseball. It is amazing, he’s been calling me a lot lately. I love Ron F a lot. We kissed!!
Well Ron called me the next morning and didn’t know a thing about the call. He called to ask if I wanted to come over. I said sure but his dad said no ’cause Ron wouldn’t do his chores if I was there. So I went to his house in the afternoon and at 7:00pm we went to the movies. It was the most terrific night of my entire life. Ron kissed me and he kept telling me that he loved me and I fell asleep in his car, lap and couch. All at different times of course.
I decided that nothing a guy could do to me is more enjoyable than just being held, told that you are loved and told that you are beautiful. Ron is the most polite, romantic, kind, and considerate person I know. He is generous, and patient. I feel that he wants more than what’s happened so far and I do too, but he takes time and doesn’t expect me to “display”. He knows what I like, what I think and how I feel. I love him more than anything (except God).
Today was an awful day. First of all I was stupid. I stayed here all day long waiting for Ron to call and he did at 9:30pm. Real cool! Then someone hung up the phone so I hung up and he called back. He kept asking me if I was going to give him the business or burn him. He wanted me to read him a note but I told him no ’cause there was too much going on over there. Then you know what he said? That he hoped I had a good vacation and that he guessed he would see me at school, which isn’t for a week and I’m definitely not going to call over there and make a complete fool of myself. I love you Ron!!!
I just got a terrific phone call. This person called and told me to “never call Ron F again ’cause he has a girlfriend”. I think I am going to throw up. I know I’m not supposed to believe anything unless Ron tells me himself but I am not going to call over there again, ’cause if that phone call weren’t true, Ron will call me. I’m so mad I could scream. I can’t believe this and I am sure little miss Nora has the finger in this. I really thought I could like her, boy was I wrong. And he said he loved me more than I loved him. I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. He said that last time I asked him that he couldn’t believe I asked him that. He doesn’t believe that I believe him but if I don’t ask him then I won’t call and when he does ask, then I”ll tell him and then he’ll say “How could you believe that?” I am stuck both ways. I make a fool of myself. I need to talk to Sarita or Jenna. I can’t believe this.